May 15, 2013

Dear Abercrombie & Fitch-Oh yah, my letter too.

Just because everyone feels they need to respond.  I have decided I will too.  Only no one will give a shit.  Still, it’s written.


Dear Abercrombie & Fitch guy (Mark Jeffries) and all his haters,


I couldn’t give a rat’s ass who you market to.  I really don’t even understand why other people give a rat’s ass either.  Truly, I do think you’re a freaking genius.  All you have to do in America is call someone fat or uncool or unattractive and the whole country comes unglued.  First of all, I am too old and uncool and less than model-esque to care whether some teenage rock star clothing shop markets to me.  I am almost 40 years old.  I haven’t been in A&F for like…  years.  That’s because it was too loud for a morning shopping spree.

I didn’t feel like dancing to the club music because I would look like an ass as my moves are way outdated.  Not only that, but I truly just wanted to stare at the very fit, young, cool, hot-ass teenage boy with the large, sexy lips, whose lubed up chest was glistening as I walked by with my stroller and my two little boys yelling at me or pinching each other or falling over some invisible mine field that follows them about to this day. It doesn’t escape me that the the teenage boy could have been my child too.


I, unlike many other Americans, it appears, have been able to let go of my youth and my coolness factor.  I have no desire to try to keep up with your styles or be invited to a high school party.  I am not offended by the fact that I may or may not fit into your size structure or be less than a 9 for looks.  In fact, I would look ridiculous and pathetic in your skimpy, fabulous clothing.  Instead, I choose to focus on clothing stores that sell clothing I can wear, clothing that fits my body, my activities in life, as a working mom, classroom helper, house cleaner or cocktail party goer.  It doesn’t make me lame.  It makes me awesome for buying clothes I actually like.


And once again, you’re a genius.  All this free publicity because you said something about not wanting older, fatter, uglier people to wear your clothes (so not what you said).  Every overweight, uncool person who writes you a letter gives you a little more klout with the people you want, who think they are even cooler and hotter than they once were for being on your mailing list (or much more nouveau way of marketing).  I would like to give you a big virtual high five because truly I think you’re allowed to market to whoever the fuck you’d like…  because you own a business and that’s your job.  Your job isn’t to make sure all facets of American society feel good about themselves by some executive at a kids clothing company.  So cheers to you and the cool kids.  And the next time all those disturbed people who probably have never shopped at your store or ever wanted to until you said they couldn’t… the next time they own a company who markets to a specific segment of our society, who may not be down trodden, I hope they don’t mind a little or a whole hell of a lot of response. 


In the meantime, you can laugh all the way to the bank.  And I can get this out of my system, because I swear I will see three more letters on facebook to you today, and I may want to vomit


To A&F, to the uncool, to being fat, and not a model.  Have a drink, relax a little, put on your over-sized sweatpants, and don’t worry if your body isn’t a size 2 or you you didn’t get invited to a rave tonight.  You wouldn’t be able to stay up that late anyway.  And this is the most important thing…  No offense, but this isn’t about you, whoever you are.  No one called you fat, ugly or uncool.  You responded that way.  That, is not cool. 


Rock on!