Today I face My Fear. 

I know you’re there. 

You’ve held me back.

You’ve kept me alone.

You’ve held me helpless at times.

But I know your smell now. 

I feel your touch.

I know you now.

And I am ready to face you.

I am going to look you in the eyes.

Face to face.

Feminano e feminano.

Yes, that’s a thing.

I will look steadily at your composition,

Your composure.

 

We will look into each other’s eyes.

Maybe have a staring contest.

And just when I understand you better,

I will reach out for your hand.

I will pull you close,

And hold you tight.

I will embrace you.

The trouble you’ve caused,

The parties I’ve invited you to,

The places I didn’t know you lived. 

 

I will whisper in your ear.

“I know you.

“I welcome you.

“I make peace with you.

“You do not own me.

“Or manipulate me.

“We are friends now.

“Welcome to my history.”

 

And we shall meet again

Over and over.

But today,

I will look you in the eye.

I won’t fight you,

Because you’re part of life,

My life.

I won’t dress you up

As something else.

I see you as you are.

And I will shed some tears

Seeing things for what they are,

Sometimes hurts.

Seeing the power you have,

And the power I didn’t,

Hurts.

 

 But in the warmth of my embrace,

 My acceptance,

My lack of fight,

You will lose your power.

You will become weak.

You will see me too.

 

And know your time is shorter,

Shorter than before.

You will wane.

And wither

Over time.

And leave me.

More often. 

Not because we don’t appreciate each other,

Not because we don’t respect the other,

But because you feed off my powerlessness.

You feed off my pain,

My anxiety,

My helplessness,

My past.

And today

I conceded the fight,

Which leaves you powerless.

 

Today, I call you Fear.

Today, I name your name.

And today,

I set you free,

To visit me less frequently.

With love

With peace

I become more free

Gently

Slowly

 

 

Just as it should be.