December 6, 2010

To My Children On Their Birthdays

Another year has passed us by.  A landmark in our journey has been thrown up.  You both have turned a year older, and I feel so very lucky to be your mother.  I am in awe and wonder at the way you shape my life each day, the way you make me question everything I thought I knew, and the way you stretch my limits. You make me try new things or care less about what others think.  You make me wonder why I am able to lose my mind one minute and be so focused the next, depending on the way you are experiencing your life near me, with me.  You make me worry, you make me feel more loved than my fair share.  You make me think of every moment and its monumental importance to me—in that moment.  You make me consider the future in a way that never crossed my mind before.  I want to plan and live and live and plan.  I have become a better version of myself because of you.  You have made me change and grow, and although I complain at times—I am truly and sincerely grateful for each battle scar that has become a beauty mark.  My life has begun many times in my life, but nothing will ever shadow the way I began again each time I saw one of you enter this earth from my very own body.  That was the ultimate moment, and it always will be.  Thank you for choosing me, if in fact, that is what you babies do.  And if I chose you, I did a hell of a job without knowing it.  Thank you for making my life more than it would ever have been without you.  Here is something I wrote to you when you were born, J.  I think it might still apply.  Here are some things I always want you to think about.  They’re not written all pretty-like, but try to glean any pea of truth. 

*Giving doesn’t mean receiving.  Give because you want to.

*You don’t deserve anything in life.  If you want something, make it happen.

*Don’t spend your life searching.  Find it!  Live!

*You have the potential to have anything.  You have the power to create it.  Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.  People who tell you otherwise may not know they have the power.  They still have the power and just don’t know how they can use it.  Help them understand if you can.

*You won’t succeed at everything just because you try the most.  But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try the most.  You never want to wonder, “What if I had done a little more?”

*Make sure you make the time to relax. 

*Take time to reflect.  I often think of a year ago, and it makes me see progress I don’t see day to day.

*Create love and family around you.  Your family and friends aren’t always provided.  Nor are they what you want them to be or not to be.  Don’t get caught up in it.  Create your family and love in life.  Treasure the ones you have. 

*Never forget that people who aren’t what you want them to be, may have given you a gift or shown you something you didn’t immediately recognize.  This is the beauty of difference and diversity.  It is indeed a gift.  What people aren’t may free them up to be something you need. 

*Never stop learning and growing.  Don’t hate change.  Although sometimes it will hurt, it will always provide you with the opportunity for a new perspective.  Embrace it. 

*Don’t be afraid to be alone or still.  The most wonderful things can happen in your mind when you just sit and listen.   

*Don’t wait to be inspired.  Just open your eyes.  If you can’t see any inspiration, you’ve become clouded.  Scrape off the deposits and look again. 

*Don’t be afraid to fail or succeed.  Both are necessary.  Both are imperative.  Both are going to happen to you at some time in your life.  Both are fabulous!  And both will give you amazing insights into your future. 

*Your parents don’t know everything, are not supposed to protect you from everything, are not prepared for everything and are growing and learning people just like you.  This means sometimes we lead, sometimes we follow, and sometimes we just have no freaking clue what we’re doing.  Welcome to bad management—another truth in life.

*Dreams are wonderful.  Have them, nurture them, but don’t let them take over reality.  If you dream too much, you miss the world going by.  That’s not living.

*No one will ever love you like your mother.  That’s it. 

I love you both from the bottom of my heart.  I wish you both all the happiness in the world, despite what I have done and maybe because of what I’ve done.  But that’s not my goal anymore.  I just want you to know what someone should have told me a long time ago.  There are many truths in life.  So I wrote them down because I sure as hell won’t remember them tomorrow, and do as I write, not as I do…  except the really good stuff.