September 27, 2012

Tiny Little Infuriating Kid Toys

Thank you, Taco “Place”, tacofor the fabulous two new additions to our family.  The two little monsters that you gave my personal little monster was a great time suck.  On our way home from Vegas, we decided to stop at your establishment for a yummy and semi-healthy lunch.  And usually I am pleased with my selections of Mexican/American/Fast Food from your menu.  Today, however, my 8 year old saw your kids’ menu, which I had invariably missed.  Mostly, I had ignored it because my kids were not yet aware that Taco “Place” had a kids’ menu.  And although kids’ menus bring a lot of joy to American children everywhere, they usually cost a fortune and lack much nutritional value.  Yes, I know, it’s fast food.  But in fairness, I choose Taco “Place” over most other fast food, because I feel the food is simpler and less loaded in grease.  So it is a compliment, wrapped in a complaint.  And it’s not that I mean to complain about the food, because I truly enjoy it, even as a bit of a ‘health nut’. 


So before I digress too far, we stopped to eat and ordered a kids’ meal for my 5 year old.  Now all other things being satisfactory, I would like to be on the record stating that the kid toy in the kids’ meal—the two little monster paper puzzles–with 450,000 little paper parts that need to be popped out and put together-suck.

I’m not being fair.  There were actually only 26 parts that need to be assembled into not one, but two little monsters.  The intricacies of the monster are age appropriate for a 12 year old, although the actual monster looking toy is appropriate for a 4 year old.  You see the problem, right?  A 12 year old isn’t going to take the time to make the monster, but a 4 year old is going to try.  And upon failing, they will whine and cry and moan until, well…  My 5 year old did everything that 4 year old above would have done, and I am older than 12, but I just spent half an hour folding all the little pieces into the appropriate shape per instructions, while my son traced new parts that were missing because he tried to bring the 26 little parts into the house from the car once we returned from Vegas—and shockingly, lost some. 


I truly enjoy puzzles, especially after sitting in the car for 5 hours.  No better timing, right?!  And in case you’re not familiar with my sarcasm, that was a large dose of it.  I enjoy puzzles even more if my 5 year old is sitting nearby asking me why the little pieces of paper are not sticking together perfectly.  No, it wasn’t my fault.  I constructed the little beasts jusssst fine!  But the paper, although reinforced beautifully does not withstand the wear and tear of a small boy very long.  In fact, in the hour since I assembled said monsters, I have been asked no less than 13 times if I would please put an arm or leg or tail or ear back in place.  I truly have nothing better to do than this, so thank you for making the toy durable and low maintenance. 


I think the worst of it came about 15 minutes ago, when the parents of my son, also known as Team Me and Hubby removed the monsters from my son’s hands and hid them in order to have some peace and quiet for a few minutes.  Not because I don’t love my son or don’t want to spend some quality time together.  But we have spent A LOT of time together today.  And this is just pushing it.  The road trip, not your fault…  the time suck toy for small engineers, your fault all the way.  In the future, please put a warning label on the toy for all parents who have jobs or interests outside meeting each and every need of their children for hours on end, with no end to their capacity of patience, nurturing and unending desire to feel ‘needed’ by small family members ALL the time. 


Ok, that was rough.  And I will continue to visit your venue in the future.  I will.  But if you ever find a video camera with a small blonde boy screaming in one of your lobbies, “BUT I WANT THE TOY!!!”, please refrain from intruding.  Please refrain from calling CPS.  He is not being beaten.  He is fine.  But his mother is finding that when weighing whether to let him scream now or spend the rest of the day constructing small intricate toys that will break under the weight of just about anything, she has chosen to let him scream.  Thank you in advance for your consideration.