You know, I don’t write that often anymore.  Mostly because my message has changed, and I don’t know what it is yet.  So I become quiet because I am afraid I’ll share something inconsistent or strange or confusing.  But then, I realized, that’s probably part of the damn process.  My life has changed so much over the last few years, and it’s stayed the same too.  And in some fantastic ways, it has gone back to something I remember from long ago, something I missed about me. 

 

And there are things I see that I don’t like about me.  And I stand and look at myself all alone and think.  “Oh, that’s mine.  That’s all mine.”  And I smile at it and I flip it off and I actually accept it.  Weird, right?   Yah, I know.  I’ve lost half my audience at this point because I’m being confusing.  But I didn’t know how else to start my new message but to write something terribly confusing and disconnected and see what came out at the end.  What was the thing I wanted to say today?

 

And it’s this…  Acceptance.  I accept the good and the bad.  I couldn’t before, before this and that and the other big moments in my life.  I couldn’t accept some of my flaws and in the same vain, I couldn’t accept some of my greatness.  I think we do this to ourselves and miss the authenticity of who we are. 

 

I think we forget that in accepting both the good and the bad, we feel shame for any one of those things and then we hide from them.  And well, we end up watering down what those things are to ourselves.  When really…  it could be part of our greatness. 

 

I am trying to remember that.  I am trying to look at myself in the mirror and see who I really am.  And I am trying to feel the great wealth of me in my faults too.  And I find there are opportunities to change those faults.  And well, I am just more peaceful.   Turns out once I accept something or anything, I feel peace and calm in that moment.  And turns out that moment becomes several more moments and then, whatcha know!  Turns out life is more peaceful. 

 

Yah, it’s a different message, and I don’t want to sound like I am sitting in sackcloth with bells on my hands, humming and finding myself.  But if I was, I’d have to accept the fantastic reality of it.  Instead, I am sitting at my desk, in my house, empty of furniture, full of kids shooting nerf guns and drinking organic coffee (me, not them).  Not sackcloth and ashes, but a big fucking cast on my left foot and a heroin chic version of mascara under my eyes.  I am really a sight.  And perfectly happy in this moment.

 

Take a moment.  Take stock of yourself right now.  And notice everything you might normally judge.  Stop judging.  And maybe giggle or feel embarrassed or proud.  Yep, that’s you.  And the more you like it, the more the rest of the world will too. 

 

Now, enough of this shit.  Get up and do something productive with your day, Loser! 

 

(wink)  Love to you!

Finished with my martini…

CC