April 28, 2020

Pandemic I

What About You? - Yummy Tummies

There is a lot to say right now.  I mean, I sort of have the inclination to think that it’s all been said.  That’s probably why I write less than I wish to.  It’s all been said. The love songs have been written, the spirituality has been spread, the edges have been trampled. 

So if that’s true, why are we still reading, still searching, still wanting more?  Why are our hearts and minds unsatisfied?

Because secretly we all want to find this for ourselves.  We want someone to inspire us, but we want to find our own inspiration.  We love the search, the read, the epiphany, but the human experience is so short!  We love, we become impassioned, we give, we take, we “know” for only a moment before we forget, we move on, we let go, we doubt, we overthink, we engage too little. 

So what has this time done for us?  What has this time alone or with your family or whatever your situation…  what has it done?!  What did it mean?! 

We don’t know.

Not yet.

But we can feel it might be useful.  Exceptional.  Cathartic.  Ordinary.  Minimized.  Overinflated.  So how honest can we be?  With ourselves?

What can we take?  What can YOU take from it?

Sure I have led you nowhere.  Welcome.  That’s where I am too. I feel this vastness, as if this great opportunity has opened up before me, and at the same time, I have no idea what to do with it. 

Crisis breeds greatness and tragedy breeds depth, and I have no idea whether you and I are living a tragedy or a couple months at home.  I have no idea what it will breed and kill inside the human soul.  Because as long as I continue to move on and rest and nurture and deteriorate, so does the rest of humankind.  And we don’t have any idea what that will look like once we all commence our daily lives, our semi-forgotten rituals, our lives we despised but knew so well.  Our muscle memory will kick in, and some will fight.  And some will push through. 

Will there be a great divide amongst human experience, or will we all flow together? 

Because I don’t know, I don’t write.  But maybe that’s the time you do write!  That’s the exact moment you draw out the incredible dexterity of the human condition, the complete helplessness against a greater pandemic, and the very cloudy future we have not yet experienced.  Maybe you remind people how very complete they are all alone, on the couch, in front of their work computer, on their way to the gas station.  Maybe you elaborate on the moments that used to be rote, unexperienced, mundane.  Maybe you just yearn the hell out of the next moment you hope finds you at a party, dressed in a gauzy gown, that helps you forget the darkness you call home. 

It is right now.  It is this moment.  As in every moment, you have to call yourself to truth, to experience, to embrace the very most raw version of you.  Today!  Not tomorrow!  Look in the mirror!  Find meaning!  Something!  Not huge or verbose!  Not simplistic enough that it is a mockery.  But something.  Say it aloud!  And own it.  Please.  Before you watch the 50 memes and laugh and have a morning cocktail and binge another show, take a moment to see yourself here! 

This is history, my friends!  In my lifetime, we have very little shared history!  Very little real shared trauma, almost nothing that holds our generation together.  See yourself here!  And with everything you have, remember the way it smells and tastes and looks and makes you feel both externally and internally! 

That!  That is what your experience is.  And when we play Bunco in 50 years, I want to hear every single detail! 

But for now, I am back to my morning martini!  And you, you are back too. 

With all my love, with all pressure to find yourself here and not there,

With love,

Martini Meditations