I had an important realization today. So must write. I got a job recently. Yes, I got a JOB!!! A real JOB! I can’t tell you how excited I am! And it’s completely unglamorous, much like my current job. I feel comfortable in that light. I am going to sell insurance. Now please understand this is not any sort of underhanded plea for business. I truly can’t pull leads from anywhere but a very small stream. I am just “sharing”, as they say. And it’s kinda funny to share. ‘I will be selling insurance.’ AHAHAH! I love that in conjures images of a man with a wildly greasy comb-over and plaid polyester pants that swish loudly when he walks. He may or may not have a collar large enough to fly a small plane, neatly tucked beneath a polyester jacket, and he smiles very insincerely.
Yes, that’s what I think of. But I still love that I have a job, and it seems to be the kind of job that will allow me to still be many things that my former stay at home mom for 8 years persona allowed. I can take the kids to school and pick them up at the regular time. I can cook dinner and shop and clean and tend to my garden and volunteer and participate in my community events and… wow, I am so realistic.
And here’s where I cheer for moms who have been working for years, with small children. My kids are 4 and 7, and I am barely able to imagine how people do this full-time—working, that is. I am already overwhelmed at the idea that my children will be in the care of a hodge-podge of babysitters and friends for the next five days while I train to wear polyester… I mean, sell insurance. I am trying to decide if I should allow them to go in the pool with someone other than me or whether I should keep the sugar intake low for my 4 year old who hits within five minutes of more than a teaspoon of sugar within a yard of him. I am hoping my 7 year old won’t be too bossy or talk the sitter into things he shouldn’t be doing. He has this weird Vulcan mind trick thing he does. I am wondering if I’ll be early or late on the way home because of traffic and what will I do if anyone has to cancel childcare? I am wondering if my new sales manager will be irritated when I inform her that my youngest won’t be in school for another month, so I will need some lead time in order to get a babysitter in order to close a sale this month. Oh, and I’ll be on vacation next month. I am hoping the fact that I’ve worked my ass off to get everything in order will speak for my work ethic. I am hoping she’ll think because I’m such a concerned mother, I’ll be a concerned employee. I am wondering whether I will be stressed the first time I can’t make an appointment because my kids are sick. And I wonder if I’ll be able to draw the line on work where I see it right now—while the kids are at school or sleeping. I can see myself getting all competitive and potentially losing sight of what’s important sometimes—mostly because it’s my debut as “working mom”, and I’m going to want to nail it.
I’m calm and calculated, and I feel like it’s because I’m ready for the mode… to be able to juggle the kids’ schedule while working mine, seeing any problems before they arise and finding outstanding solutions, so as not to put anyone out—ever. Ha! Yep, I’m pretty realistic. And did I already mention I’m a huge fan of you moms that have done this for years now. I think it’s a tough gig. I’m excited and thrilled and hoping to debut gracefully and inspirationally–but knowing I will fall somewhere short of that. And to my kids I give the greatest cheer ever. Today when I was sitting them down to explain tomorrow and what was happening, who was coming over, all that…
My 7 year old says in a very grown up tone, “Good for you, mom.” And my 4 year old cheered, “Yay, mom!”
I wanted to squeeze them both. I hope they are as proud of me as I am right now. And all that mommy guilt talk I had been prepping for melted away. I can’t remember many times that’s happened, but today it did. I felt proud of my kids now too. They were growing up. And it was all freaking good! Go, mom! And thank you, my beautiful boys. You made me think of all the good things we have to share together, how we will share so many more things as you get older. Thanks for being a fan of me this time! That might have been the best cheer ever!