May 6, 2019

Happiness is being ok. OK?

Image result for peace in a storm

One day you know you’ve reached a goal.  Not because there was a red line you crossed.  But because you feel differently.  In that same moment you used to feel the opposite of differently.  Or just way different than differently. 

Today we had a shit show of a morning.   Zoom wouldn’t wake up.  I ended up dripping droplets of water annoyingly on his face and feet and hair and his shirt until he finally stirred.  He hadn’t personally experienced Chinese water torture at home before.  Well, probably not anywhere.  But who has time to verify facts like that. 

I had already set off the alarm twice, yelled for him to wake up, gently caressed his hair while singing, threatened, rolled him gently off the bed onto pillows, hoping the gentle fall would stir his wakefulness.

Nothing. Twenty minutes of creativity brought me to the water torture.  My parenting book should be out soon. 

Meanwhile, Mack and Sax, his dog, are running through the house.  I walk into the loft to see bodily waste dripping from the dog’s body while Mack yelled at me to watch out for poop on the stairs and the landing and his bedroom…  Need I go on. 

Oh, good morning, sweetheart!  Good morning, world! 

I love when a new day greets me with a true shit show!  Not the funny metaphorical kind of shit show, but the real, raw thing!  I love REAL, right?! 

Anyway, you can imagine what might have ensued.   Some three ring circus of me getting Zoom to get into the shower and then to get out of the “damn shower”. 

And Mack is steam cleaning the carpet and throwing sheets and blankets in the wash. 

Sax is outside waiting to be washed so he can again grace the inside of our home.

And Zoom is blissfully unaware. 

I am trying to get ready at the same time, which wasn’t the worst of anything at this point.  Teeth, shower, hair, outfit.

And an hour later, after everyone gets to school a little late, and the messes are cleaned up and life is fractally perfect again…

I am driving Mack to school.  We had a normal conversation.  I just felt the moment.  Neither of us was stressed or yelling. 

“Wow.  I am so proud of us, Mack.  That was such a wild morning, and here we are calm and taken care of on the way to school.  Sure, we’re late.  But we are fine.   We did it! You did a great job.”

It was a goal of mine to have a home like that.  For so many years it was stressful.  And it took us years to figure this out.  We tried every little thing to find our peace.  But we did it.  My kids didn’t have that goal.  They were just getting through each day.  And we didn’t suck.  It wasn’t hell.  But it wasn’t the life I wanted to live. 

It’s not important to everyone.  I get that.  But it was just one of those things I had to have.  Before a fancy car or big house or European vacation for three months a year, I wanted us to find peace and tools and the moment to be a team in a crisis or craziness.  That’s what happiness is to me.  That is the holy grail of life. 

We were an amazing team this morning.  Like a team from Saturday Night Live obviously.  We didn’t climb Mt. Rushmore…  or is it Everest?  We didn’t cure a disease.  But we were just happy and calm.  We handled our shit.  Mack handled more shit than the rest of us.  But we helped each other.  We were ok, and we said, “I Love you” and meant it before we split off on our respective journeys for the day. 

So it can be done.  And maybe you accomplished it well before we did.  But we have lots of ADHD at our house, lots of chaos, lots of history and today….  Today we showed it all that we have the greatest ability to find our happiness with all the challenges we have.  To be ok. OK?

To you and your challenges

To shit shows

To being a team

To knowing everything is fine

Even when it doesn’t feel that way

In that second.

With Love,

Martini Meditations