I’m about to say something you have heard before.  By really famous people. And the cat lady down the street. 

The journey to know one’s self…

To know oneself is to lose it…  quote partially by Gandhi…  And partially what I remember hearing.  The actual quote is “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”

When meditating, one hears that to find oneself is also to lose oneself.  It’s just an awkward word too, ‘oneself’.  So how do you lose yourself?

And I have spent many a moment thinking and overthinking this.

My counselor used to say to ask your “body” or what I would call “consciousness” a question.  Let it go.  Address yourself, ask a question and wait until it comes. 

And I would.  And when I finally let go, weeks later, the next day, never, an hour later, an answer would come.  So what do I want to say today?  I want to say that in the process of getting to know oneself, one has to ask one’s self questions and wait patiently and without judgment for the answer. 

And I wish I could find something funny or quippy to dress this up.  But maybe the very beauty of this is just knowing the process.  The unfunny process of asking a question, not knowing the answer and waiting for it from yourself.  And we just clarified that you didn’t know the answer initially, right? Confusing?!

What if was super easy to picture yourself as the very expert in everything you, but you, in your pursuit of truth, has hidden everything, something, pieces, the deepest parts of you and you would know them if you only asked…

Wouldn’t you tell your friend that if he or she were in a relationship where she felt she didn’t know her partner…  Wouldn’t you encourage her or him to ask their partner the question they wanted an answer to?

Is it that easy? Is it really that fucking simple?

Well, if it is, don’t be upset or sad or angry.  Or be.  All those things or a cocktail mix of them.  But then, be so grateful you know now. 

Simplistically.  Organically.  Ask yourself what things you have hidden from yourself.  And when the answer comes, trust it.  And then think for a moment.  Reflect.  Write it down.  And learn to love each and every sordid and gorgeous thing you learn. 

We have all learned our entire lives to hide and lie to ourselves.  So laugh or smile.  And start the process. 

And one day, far or near from now, you will be walking and talking in a conversation and realize you were the most authentic version of yourself. In short, you will know because you didn’t do anything but speak.  You didn’t think or filter or craft something you are.  You were.  You lost the conception of yourself and became the very most you, you could be.  And that, my friend, is the most beautiful version of you.  For from there, you become the love of your own life. 

And from me to you, sending love today. 

CC

Martini Meditations